How am I Going to be a Pastor's Wife?

January 10, 2014

Bible One year. There’s only one year until Nate is done with school. There’s only one year until we are hoping to be pastoring a church – not necessarily as the preaching pastor – but definitely serving the church in some aspect as a full time job. There’s only one year until life changes drastically. Last night Nate and I lead our very first small group.  We desired to do this both to grow ourselves spiritually and also to get more training for the future.  It was a great first night, a little awkward at times since we knew no one else there, but altogether a time that opened doors for potentially wonderful new relationships. It’s fantastic to see Nate in his element – leading people, teaching the word, and loving on others.  I feel so blessed to be married to a man who so evidently loves the Lord and shows such love and compassion for others.  One question keeps coming to my mind, though… How am I going to be a pastor’s wife? Don’t get me wrong, when we were dating, I knew I was going to be a pastor’s wife (but kept it to myself) long before Nate ever mentioned he felt called to pursue the idea of becoming a pastor. The thing is, being a pastor’s wife is so different than being the wife of most other professions.  A doctor’s wife doesn’t have to be involved in her husband’s work.  An accountant’s wife can mostly just ignore what her husband does for a living.  An architect’s wife doesn’t have to have any sort of appreciation for awesome buildings. This is different.  In the future WE will be pastoring a church.  I will be right there alongside my husband (whether I’m paid or not), loving on the congregation, discussing the Bible with them, taking women out for coffee, and showing God’s grace to each and everyone I come in contact with.  My family and I will be “in the limelight,” for better or for worse. Who am I to minister in that way?  I’m someone who can’t remember another person’s name until I’ve heard it 3084 times.  I’m someone who is HORRIBLE at small talk.  I’m someone who relates to God through music and fellowship with others more than through reading my bible or prayer.  I’m someone who would rather sit in the corner observing than to go talk to someone I don’t know. But God is full of love and grace.  It won’t be me who is ministering to our future church, it is God who will be ministering through me.  Although I may not live up to MY idea of a “perfect pastor’s wife,” He gave me wonderful gifts that will be used by Him in amazing ways.  I love hostessing and will have people over all the time to love on them and get to know them one-on-one.  I am intellectual and had the privilege to study the Bible in college so I will be able to share my knowledge with others as they’re starting out in their faith.  I am empathetic and compassionate so I will be able to love on and feel with those who are going through difficult seasons in life.  God will equip me for the rest when the time comes. This small group we are just starting out in is a wonderful place for me to be in the here and now.  God is already using it in my life to draw me closer to Him and show me more of what He desires for me in the future, not what I desire of myself.  Although I’m scared, I’m also excited.

  • Don't you just hate the "I'll never live up" fears?
    But you are so right! You aren't called to be the perfect pastor's wife (as if there was such a thing). It is so encouraging just to see you recognizing your own gifts that God has given you!

  • You have everything you need, and anything you don't will be given as you need it, you'll be a great Pastor's wife! 🙂

  • I think you are already being "a pastor's wife" through your blogging 🙂 You can impact those by writing!

  • I definitely understand being nervous about it but I know you will be amazing. You are so wonderful to be around and everyone will love you. And it will get easier over time. I am for excited for you and Nate.

  • i love the honesty in this post! i, too, would rather observe than talk to someone i don't know & i am horrible at small talk & don't really like it. BUT our God is so big & i have seen him work through me in ways that i knew had to be him because left to myself, i never would've done anything like it. i don't know you in person, but you are an awesome encourager even to people you've never met! and God will work through you – all you have to do is let him! 🙂 i love your outlook & trust in Him to work through you even though you don't feel well equipped. & i think that's what's so awesome….he works through our weaknesses & it's so evident to us because we know the only way we did something was through His strength!

  • It's hard to picture ourselves in these roles that God has carved out for us. I'm sure Noah thought… how will I ever build a boat this large; Moses thought how can I convince Pharaoh to let the people go; countless times in the Bible we're shown how God makes the "impossible" completely possible. Through Him, you will be an amazing pastor's wife. I know it.

    Wishing you a lovely weekend.

  • You will be able to do it! Being passionate about something makes it much easier to do! Plus you will be doing it together!

  • God has clearly constructed this path for you- I am so excited to see his plans unveiled for you in this line of work!


  • As the wife of an I.T. guy (read: someone who tries to understand her husband's work, but doesn't actually have to), I can't imagine the pressure of being a pastor's wife, especially at a church where there is only one pastor. I totally understand your concerns! That said, I think you'll be amazing at it. It's clear through this blog that you have a heart for people and for women, and I think that goes along way. You're right, my dear, God will work through you, and I'm excited to see what that stage of your life looks like!

  • I think you will make a great pastor's wife – what matters most is that you let Christ shine through you, and I have a feeling you will do that very well 🙂

  • I became a pastor's wife at the age of 22!! & it was intimidating and scary and I felt like I had nothing to offer! God saw otherwise though, and has worked it out so beautifully! A book that I was given was "The Privilege" by Kay Smith….talking about the privilege of being a pastor's wife…wow, blew my mind and made me think completely differently, not about myself and what I could and could not do, but about the sweet people we were serving! Changed everything!

  • Because Jesus is inside of you, you will be the perfect pastor's wife for which He has called you to be. He has already given you grace for every situation, every conversation, and every hurt that someone else comes to you with. I know you will be great!!! hugs to you!

  • This… "loving on the congregation, discussing the Bible with them, taking women out for coffee, and showing God's grace to each and everyone I come in contact with"… is something every single Christian should do. We should all live life doing these things. The difference for you is that it will be expected. But I'm sure you'll find your boundaries. 🙂

    But if everyone in the church did the things I quoted above it would definitely make your life much easier. 🙂

  • I just wrote a long comment and blogger deleted it. SO frustrating. Anyways–It sounds like a pastor's wife is a job that takes a special person… a person with extreme dedication and selflessness. It will be difficult I'm sure, but I know you will be just great! God has you here for a reason, and I know he will use you both for great things!

  • I was so glad to see that your post turned around! At first I was getting worried that you didn't think you would make a good pastor's wife! I immediately started writing a comment in my head because I just KNOW that you will!! I know that we have never met and person, and it is likely that we may never do so, but you and your blog have already blessed me in so many ways! I am certain that God will use you in amazing ways as you enter this next phase of your life together!! 🙂

  • Oh my goodness I think you will be fabulous! Your heart shines through this space, and I know it will to the people you minister to in person.

  • I know it's not completely the same, but I could definitely see some parallels to my life as a military spouse. Obviously, I didn't do a very good job, at least in other people's eyes, because I still worked instead on focussing 100% on the military. But I bet your "job" will be rewarding. You will grow with your responsibilities and with time, and I'm sure that soon you'll know all the names by heart! Enjoy your small group for now!

  • Let the Lord guide you and give you the knowledge and wisdom you need to be the best at it! btw, love the coffee cup 🙂 you may need lots of coffee too who knows??

  • You have such a heart for reaching people that I know you will be just great at it…and the bonus is that you'll have your husband right beside you going on the journey with you! Trust me, it's not so bad working with your spouse!

  • I am sure you will do a fantastic job! Well, I know you already do! 🙂

  • I think the most important thing is to be real and transparent. And you seem to be pretty good at that. 🙂 You'll be a fabulous pastor's wife.

  • Don't put too much pressure on yourself girl, you are going to be amazing! You are so loving and supportive and that alone will take you so far. Plus you are social and personable and kind and I'm sure everyone will be drawn to you and trust you immediately. But yes, what a different path to take… my husband is a firefighter and I can't imagine going along with him to work or being any part of it!

  • I'm sure it's a little scary now, but I think you will blossom in that role. God gave you the skills you need to do a great job! And you are so right about the wife being very involved in her husband's work when he is a pastor. Most people might not realize that, but my Dad has been a pastor since I was really young so I totally get it!

  • Jen

    I can relate to this very much! With a husband in the military it is important for me to be very involved in his work and with the soldiers and their families. What I do reflects on my husband.

    I can tell that you have a heart for service and you will be amazing!

  • Love this! I understand what you are saying about your role being a lot more directly involved being married to a pastor rather than other professions, but I do think that we all have a role to play no matter what our husbands' careers are. I know for Ben and I, I often play a lot of supportive roles to him being a pilot: organizing schedules for his time off; helping with laundry so he has a clean uniform for trips with short rest periods between; representing what he does, how it works, and why he does it to inquisitive minds when he's not around; helping him decide about schedule bidding, whether or not to take extra work, etc.; I've even been known to bake cookies for his crew, hehe. 🙂

    Anyway, YOU are awesome, and have such a heart for others. Nate's job will require you two to operate as one, as a beautiful example of the church and Christ operating together. Your love for each other and for Jesus is already a blessing to everyone around you! And you are totally not bad at small talk. You're honest and sweet and funny, and I wish you lived closer so we could hang out more! 🙂


  • what a thoughtful and sincere post.. makes me think that you will be a wonderful pastor's wife. also, the small talk isn't necessary – we're able to get to the heart of the matter much more quickly with out 🙂 i'm excited to see what good things come to you – and what blessings you bring to others with the small group sessions 🙂

  • Love this! Hope the Lord continues to grant you such peace!

  • You are very right that being a pastor's wife is very much a calling or career in itself. It is a life of ministry–and of responsibility, though I bet you two must be so excited for the life you're looking forward to!

  • Wow I never thought of it that way! However, I think that God will steer you where you need to go.

  • I think you will be an amazing pastor's wife! You seem to have the heart for it.

  • Deep stuff… I think through support and prayer all things are possible! I love your outlook on life and I see strong faith in you. Be real.. Love life and love God, you got this!

  • What a great way to look at it! You are so right. God will be working through you. Being a Pastor's wife is hard, but it's also incredible. How many people get paid to be bringing people to Christ?! It's a blessing!

  • Overwhelming but you have a year to prepare. I'm sure you will be great! It is so different from what I'm use to since I was raised Catholic and priests can't marry so there was no wife! I like that in other religions there is a wife and kids. It makes it more normal and relatable. I think you will be great once you get use to your new role and feel comfortable in a church!

  • How exciting you are leading a small group together!! You will be an amazing Pastor's wife because you are already starting to take it seriously!!

  • You will make a great pastor's wife. Just pray about it more. That is awesome that you had a small group. We have been searching for awhile for church family.

  • But how awesome is it that you get to be so directly involved in something that is that important and time consuming in your husband's life? He can talk to you about his work and know that you are interested and involved, and that is fantastic!

  • This is very exciting! We just began leading small group in our home this year as well – definitely a wonderful blessing and great learning experience!

  • I was a PK for 20 years, and there are so many things I could say about being in a pastor's family. But, don't stress. Take it one challenge at a time 🙂

  • How exciting for you!! It's a good way to be – scared and excited – cause you always know you'll learn and grow from it 🙂

  • If God has called you to it, He will prepare you and equip you for it. It's something I've been learning a lot lately. Starting with a small group was an excellent idea 🙂

  • It's so awesome that you feel specifically called to be a pastor's wife, it really is it's own vocation! that's so essential to your husband's ministry, having that partnership with you. I love seeing your faith and trust, taking it one step at a time 🙂

  • This is awesome! How exciting for you & your husband! I think I would feel the same way as you, who am I to be a pastors wife? Its a big responsibility. BUT when you are faithful in the small things, such as your small group, God will open doors for the bigger things. & "God doesn't call the equipped, he equips the called." God will provide the skills to you to do what he has called you to do!

  • Only a year left? wow! That is exciting. You are going to be an amazing pastors wife. God will bless you and your family in so many ways for you love and faithfulness to your congregation. I can't wait for you guys to take the next step =)

  • It's so funny you mention this, because I've been watching old episodes of 7th Heaven on my iPad at lunch, and I love how involved Annie is with his congregation. You're absolutely right that you will be involved full time. You seem to have such a nurturing spirit, that I can't imagine you being anything but great!

  • As with most comments shared above, I believe that you will find a way to use the gifts you have been giving to serve a congregation and those around you. You have such a nurturing spirit that it may not be grandiose as if on the preacher's pulpit, but your genuine spirit will still speak volumes. Just be who you are and trust that God will show you the way! That is all that we can do!

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