A Woman I’d Like to Be
Motherhood is hard. Combine a baby who doesn’t nap unless he’s being held still (so no baby wearing while he’s sleeping) and a go-getter mom and you have a recipe for frustration. Some days when Nate gets home from work I’m so over the fact that I sat on the couch for hours that day so Caleb could sleep.
Right now I feel like I’m doing nothing with my life. I had goals and dreams. I thought being at home with my son meant I could pursue ministry opportunities and get involved in community events and keep the house clean and bring Nate brownies at work and… Yeah, right, I was unbelievably clueless and yet I still feel sick that I feel like I’m not doing anything with my life.
But wait – I AM doing something with my life. I’m raising my son. I’m showing him love and care and stability. I’m teaching him about Jesus and already sharing the Grace of Christ with my little man. Even if all I do with my life is raise my son and share the love of the Lord with him then I have done good things.
I think about one of the woman I was named after. Susanna Wesley was an amazingly godly woman – a woman who is known as the Mother of Methodism. With a title like that I would think that she had led a revival, started a church, or did something else huge. No, her contribution to the faith was that she raised her children (she had 19!), taught them the love of the Lord, and led her family in Bible studies. Those studies grew so well known that people from all over town would come to her house to take part in the Bible studies she led for her family.
Two of her sons – John and Charles Wesley grew up to be hugely influential men in the Christian world. Without their mom they never would have grown to be the men they became and so many souls would not have been touched and saved.
That’s such a calling to aspire to. It’s ok that I’m not leading a ministry or planning conferences or writing Bible study curriculum. All those things are great and maybe I’ll do those things in the future but right now my calling is to love and care for my son (and any future kids that come along). I need to raise him to be a child of God and to fulfill the calling God has placed in his little life.
On the days I have to hold Caleb for hours in order to keep him asleep I need to remember – God placed him in my life and this time cuddling with him and bonding with him will only last so long. It’s setting a precedent for the future – he will know he’s cared for and protected – he will trust me and know that I am always there for him.
Maybe someday I’ll lead a Bible study for my kids that grows and my neighbors choose to attend. Maybe God will use me in some other big way in the future. For now, though, I need to be there for my boy. I’m not doing nothing. I’m raising my son to do great things.