The New “Me”

February 6, 2012

Who am I?

It seems as though my life has completely changed in the past year.  These have been huge changes like graduation, permanently moving to Portland, getting married, etc.  The question of who I am has been creeping up on me, especially the last few months.  Now that life has slowed down and I’m fairly settled into this whole being married thing, I’ve started being able to explore this question.  The ways I’ve defined myself up to this stage of life don’t fit anymore.  Let’s see…  I was a Gardner.  I’m a Kellogg now.  I was a student for the past million or so years.  That stage of life is (thankfully) over.  I was an “I”.  Now I’m a “we”.  Where does that leave me?

After the wedding, life got super hectic… for one of us.  Nate was working 50-65 hours a week, taking classes in seminary, leading worship at church, and making sure to spend time with me.  What was I doing?  Working three days a week in a job I really don’t like and making sure I was available any time Nate was able to be free so we could spend time together.  That left a lot of down time for me – time I didn’t feel like I could fill with my own activities since I wanted to be available for my husband when he was free.  That was my number one priority since I’ve heard it’s kind of important for married people to spend time together.  (Yeah, anyone who knows me knows this is the understatement of the century since my love language is completely and totally Quality Time)  Although we were able to (most of the time) get good amounts of time together and I felt like those needs of mine were being met, I still felt frustrated almost all the time and I didn’t know why.  Finally I realized I was basically turning myself into an appendage of Nate’s.  My life was beginning to completely revolve around his schedule and his life.  I didn’t have anything of my own (other than my job) that wasn’t primarily his.

That brought me to the question I posed at the beginning of this post…  Who am I?  The majority of ways I had defined myself up until this point had been taken away.  That wasn’t a bad thing – I am pretty happy with the things that have changed.  It’s just that I wasn’t “me” anymore.  I needed to find my new “me”.

I believe I am beginning to both get to know and to create the new “me”.  Since I have lots of free time I get to decide what kinds of hobbies I really enjoy and what kind of hobbies I can’t stand.  I get to discover myself as a wife and learn how to be the best wife I can possibly be for my wonderful husband.  I get to find my niche in church, make new friends, keep up with old friendships, and find new passions – all in this new context of life.  I’m realizing that instead of being frustrated by being Nate’s new appendage, I need to get out of the box I had created for myself and be his partner.

This blog will be a way of keeping track of how my new self is forming.  I’m really liking the woman I’m becoming as I learn to answer the question of who I am.

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