The other day, Nate and I went on a date. During dinner, I asked my hubby what his New Year resolutions were. Of course, his response was that he doesn’t do resolutions he killed the conversation and we sat in silence the rest of the night.
Ok, that last part was obviously not true. Nate, of course, did what any good husband would do, and asked me about my resolutions. I listed off a lot of the normal ones – build my friendships, work on eating healthier, lose the weight I’ve gained since our wedding, etc.
At this point, the conversation dipped into much deeper territory and we began to discuss what my resolutions had been last year. I’ll be honest, last year I was in a bad place emotionally. I was struggling with a job that was wreaking havoc on me, both emotionally and physically. I was trying to figure out how to keep a sense of “me” in a community where a wife is supposed to be the submissive and passive individual in the relationship and is supposed to have a “gentle and quiet spirit.” What does that even mean? (to clarify – this was NOT brought on by anything Nate believes about marriage or how he expected me to be). I struggled with the fact that I don’t have a community of like-minded friends to walk through this stage of life with. Above all else, I was simply depressed. My resolutions last year were simply to get healthy emotionally.
Thankfully, through the course of the year, Nate and I made some big life changes. I got out of that stressful job. I’m now working in a wonderful environment with women I enjoy. We spent a lot of time talking about and studying scripture to figure out what a healthy marriage looks like in our lives. I’ve come to the understanding that there’s no need for me to fit into the stereotypical “Christian wife” model as long as I’m following the Lord, striving to follow His Word, and honoring my husband. Although we loved the church we were attending, Nate stepped down as worship leader so we could find and get involved in a church with ministry opportunities for both of us, not just him. It’s been a challenging but amazing year.
Since that conversation a few nights ago, though, I’ve been thinking more and more about my resolutions. I’ve realized how selfish they are. Yes, they’re all good things but they’re not things I need now. I’m emotionally healthy. It’s wonderful to be able to say that. I think I need to change my resolutions significantly. I need to think about others, not just me. Here’s a list of my new resolutions. Some of them I don’t know how I’ll do but I’m going to try.
1. Be the friend I’m desiring to others. I’m not going to wait for people to come to me. I’m sure there are others out there who desire a deep friendship… If it’s you, I’d love to build into your life! Just let me know.
2. Don’t worry about weight. Get fit in order to help my health issues, not because I want to get back to my pre-wedding weight.
3. Give to worthy causes. Each month I’m going to pick a new organization or cause to give to and highlight them on my blog. If you know of any, please let me know.
4. Put others, especially my husband, above myself. I see many area in my life and marriage that are full of selfishness. I want to rid myself of a lot of that selfishness and strive to be a giver instead of a receiver.
5. Get rid of negative talk. I can be unnecessarily sarcastic or talk down about another person or situation when I’m not thinking about it. I want to build love in my heart so it’s harder for me to talk negatively than it is to talk positively.
I’d encourage you this year to think outside yourself as well. Make your New Years resolutions that aren’t selfish or self serving. Strive to serve others through your resolutions this year. I’d love to hear any of your other-serving resolutions!