Nate's Not My Spiritual Leader

March 12, 2014

Is he a spiritual leader? I hear this question asked all the time.  Sometimes it’s from women who just start dating a guy.  They want to know if this guy could be their spiritual leader if they were to get married.  Sometimes it’s asked by a woman who’s engaged and she’s realizing that she doesn’t know what it looks like for her future husband to lead her spiritually.  Sometimes it’s from a wife who’s frustrated and feeling as though her husband isn’t a good spiritual leader. Maybe you’ve asked this question yourself.  I know I have! I have news for you, ladies, the term “Spiritual Leader” is not found in the Bible!  Nope.  Not one place.  I know, I was surprised too!  For a term that’s so prevalent in the Christian circles, you would think it has to be found in the Bible somewhere. What's a Spiritual Leader When Nate and I were dating we had many discussions about what it would look like for him to be a spiritual leader.  Honestly, those conversations always lead to frustration for both of us.  Nate got frustrated because he didn’t know what the definition of a spiritual leader was.  If that’s what the Lord called husbands to, why was there no definition of what that meant?  He longed to be honoring God by leading me spiritually but he also thought that it wasn’t his place to take over my relationship with God. I got frustrated too.  I was an independent woman who had a wonderful relationship with the Lord.  I couldn’t understand why, once I got married, Nate would now become responsible for my spiritual life.  That didn’t seem right at all.  That couldn’t be what God desired in my (or any woman’s) life. When we realized that the term “Spiritual Leader” was nowhere in the Bible it freed us up so much!  Nate no longer felt as though he was responsible.  He was given the freedom to simply love me and love the Lord.  He was able to function spiritually alongside me instead of feeling as though he always had to be spiritually one step ahead of me. _MG_2763 Now, I’m obviously not saying that a woman shouldn’t desire to marry a Godly man who will help her grow closer to the Lord.  Of course she should!!!  But, the key term there is HELP!  He should be helping her draw closer to the Lord in the exact same way she should be helping him draw closer to the Lord. Ladies, don’t hold your husbands, fiancés, or boyfriends to such high standards.  He is growing in the Lord, just as you are, and he should not be expected to lead you spiritually.  Should he pray with you?  YES!  Should he study the Bible with you?  YES!  Should he attend church with you?  YES!  These are all wonderful things but they are things BOTH of you should be doing, not things that should fall on his shoulders! When we die and stand in front of the Lord, Nate will not be held accountable for my relationship with God or for the relationship our future children have with the Lord.  Nate will be judged according to God’s grace.  I will be judged according to God’s grace.  Our children will be judged according to God’s grace as long as they put their faith in Him.  No one is held responsible for anyone else.  We all rely on the mercy and salvation of Jesus Christ. Nate’s not my spiritual leader, Jesus Christ is!
   

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