Giving Ourselves Grace for Our Marriage Post Baby

It’s the beginning of the month so it’s time for me to take a look at my word of the year – Grace – and make sure I’m continuing to apply it to my life on a daily basis.

Before Nate and I had Caleb we had no idea what we were getting ourselves into.  We were so excited to welcome our little man into our lives and knew he would change things for us immensely but we didn’t have a clue as to how the changes were going to affect our marriage.

I’ve always heard that the first year of marriage is the hardest.  Our first year of marriage was hard with Nate beginning seminary, me working a job I hated, and Nate working 60-80 hours a week but the whole being married thing was easy.  We got along great, helped each other through the hard times, and all around loved being married.  I thought we had our marriage made.  If that was as hard as it was going to get we were solid!

Let me tell you, I completely disagree with the cliche statement about the first year of marriage.  So far, for us, the first year of having a baby has been the hardest on our marriage.

There are so many things that have gone into making the past six months the hardest on our marriage so far.  We’ve only gone on two dates without Caleb in the past six months because the little man refuses to take a bottle and so we can’t leave him with a babysitter for very long.  We’re both exhausted which causes us to be more testy, apathetic, and frustrated than we would be otherwise.  We’re both learning some new weaknesses in our personalities that we’re not liking.  It’s taken my body longer to heal than I would have liked so physical intimacy has been more difficult than it was before.  All in all, life after baby is hard!

We’re learning that we’re needing to give ourselves and each other grace in our marriage.  Instead of taking things personally we’re learning how important it is to remember what we’re each going through as new parents.  We’re learning how to get time just the two of us even though we can’t go out on dates.  We’re learning to tag team it with Caleb when he’s being ridiculous so neither of us get to the point of being burnt out.  We’ve learned more than ever how important good communication is in a healthy marriage. 

I am so fortunate that I am married to such an amazing man who loves me and loves our son.  Sure, this season of marriage is hard, but we know that’s just what it is – a season.  We can easily get through this as we give each other grace and our marriage will only be stronger for it.

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