The Sixth Love Language

August 11, 2015

If you know me very well then you know that I LOVE the five love languages.  Knowing what Nate’s love language is (Words of Affirmation) has helped me know how to love him best and knowing what my love language is (Quality Time) has helped me learn how to ask for what I need so I get my love tank all filled up.  I love figuring out my friends and family’s love languages and try to do my best to love each of them in the way they need to be loved. All that being said, Nate and I have always know that, at least in our relationship, bickering is a love language. What's the Love Language in Your Relationship It started early on in our relationship.  One of us would say something and the other would hound that person for it.  We’d verbally spar back and forth wittily (at least in our eyes) and, although it could appear to others that we weren’t getting along, it was always a joke to us.  While we were still dating, one of Nate’s roommates asked us why we bickered so much and if it was healthy.  That made us pause and think. Gradually the answer became clear. We bicker when we feel comfortable with each other.  We bicker when we know the other person won’t take offense to the things we’re saying.  We bicker when we’re connecting and communicating well in all other aspects of life and know that it is safe to be silly and goofy with one another.  We bicker when we’re having fun and being childish with one another. During this difficult season of life – you know, life after baby – I noticed that our bickering started going away.  We were much more polite with each other.  We were making sure that what we were saying wasn’t being taken the wrong way and causing offense.  In order to keep our marriage healthy we couldn’t be verbally ripping into one another (even in a funny way) because we weren’t connecting well.  Things were still good between us but we were having to be much more cautious about our words.  We were missing a part of our relationship that had been there before but couldn’t happen in a healthy way during this stage of life. Now that life is getting back to normal and we’re beginning to have opportunities to connect with one another again I’ve noticed that we’ve subconsciously and gradually begun building bickering back into the way we relate with one another.  For some couples this would be cause for worry but for us it shows that our marriage is getting back to being as strong as it was before our lives got turned around.  What about you?  Is there a way that you and your spouse relate that seems weird to outside observers but really show that your relationship is healthy?  I’d love to hear what your sixth love language is! I know that I, for one, am glad I’m back to bickering with my man.

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