Own What’s Good

April 29, 2016
Why do women find it so important to justify the things we can't get right in our lives?  My suggestion is to reframe instead of justify.  Here's what I mean...

Women are silly.  It’s true.  I’m speaking from personal knowledge since I am one.  😉

Recently I’ve been realizing that there’s a horribly dangerous trend going on among women – especially moms!  For some reason we take pride in the negatives in our lives!  I’m right there in this downward spiral and it’s scary to realize!  We’re all so quick to acknowledge that women don’t have to feel like they can do it all (and we CAN’T!) but we then lean so far the other way and spend all our time laughing about the ways we get it wrong.  Instead of simply acknowledging the hardships we almost begin bragging about them.

I’m sure you’ve heard it too…  Statements like – “I am SUCH a horrible housekeeper” or “I can’t help but just lose it with my kid.  She’s insane!” or even “My husband is so childlike and I have to treat him like one of the kids.”  All of these said with a smile on our faces and a twinkle in our eyes.

I think I really started noticing this trend when I started paying attention to what I said and how I said it.  I realized that this was a defense mechanism I was putting up in order to feel better about the fact that I couldn’t have my life all together.  I would guess that’s the way it is with other women too.  We don’t really find these statements amusing or something to brag about but, instead, frame them that way in order to make ourselves feel better and to get validation from others.

Instead of trying to make something negative into a positive, I’ve decided to attempt to reframe the way I think.

Instead of saying that I can’t keep my house clean I choose to remind myself that the level of uncleanliness is always about 15 minutes from company clean (even if “company clean” includes moving laundry from the table to the bed and shutting the door).  As long as I have 15 minutes notice I can always feel as though my home is a welcoming place for guests.  I can feel good about that.

Instead of saying that I get so frustrated with Caleb I choose to remind myself that I never yell at him.  From when we started dating, Nate and I decided that our relationship would never involve either of us yelling and that has spilled over into our relationship with our child.  (It’s too bad Caleb hasn’t gotten that memo yet…)  Yes, I get frustrated with Caleb’s craziness but I can be proud that I have the self control to handle it calmly and I can be thankful that Caleb will grow up in a home that displays peaceful ways to handle frustration.

Instead of saying that I have to put up with a childlike husband I choose to remind myself about the positives I see in Nate.  He is gentle and caring.  He listens.  He is an amazing father to Caleb.  He respects me and values me as a person.  We are a team and I choose to never speak poorly of him.  I share the positives with my friends instead of the negatives unless it’s something I need help working through and, even then, what I share with them is shared in a positive light.

While I see others trying to make the negatives sound good, I am choosing to reframe the negative and not get caught up in needing to justify a negative situation to make it appear better.  It’s awkward to change my frame of mind in that way but as I do it I’ve seen others do it as well.

I’d encourage you to do the same.  What’s one negative in your life that you can turn into a positive?  We women need to band together and build one another up instead of encouraging one another in tearing ourselves down.

Your Turn:
Have you seen this trend in women?
What something you’re going to reframe in your mind?

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