Blog post

Releasing 2018 and Welcoming Change

January 8, 2019

2018 didn’t go as I planned.  2018 was rough.  Even so, good happened and continues to happen.  Here are the best posts of 2018 and what I’m looking forward to in 2019.

The best posts of 2018

I know, I know, I’m behind on the New Years posts.  Getting RSV and then a sinus infection has thrown me for a loop!  I love everything about a New Year.  I know it’s “just another day” but I feel as though it truly is the start of something new and I can do anything!  I’m a huge proponent of choosing a word of the year rather than specific “New Years Resolutions” and I adore looking back to see where my word took me.

The Pain of 2018

Last year I chose the word “Grow” for 2018.  I didn’t know how much growth I was going to be going through that year.  My life got flipped upside down in February when I got a phone call telling me that my dad had committed suicide.  There are so many levels of feelings, past pains, and many, many, MANY tears that went into my relationship with my dad and I can’t even begin going into them with an online community.

Not at all like I expected, the growth that occurred was internal and self focused.  I was forced to come face to face with feelings I kept under the surface for so long.  I felt both stifled and finally able to breathe.  The year was spent in tears, anxiety, long conversations, and realizations.  I’m nowhere near healed and know I will probably never feel healed but I have grown.  I am healthier emotionally than I have probably ever been.

As silly as a coincidence as it is, my body also began growing in 2018.  In August I found out I was pregnant with my third little boy – Daniel.  While he was definitely planned and wanted, this time around was so different than finding out I was pregnant with my other two boys.  Firstly, it took us four months to conceive Caleb and six months to conceive Josiah.  Daniel showed up month number one and we weren’t expecting that one bit.  (Yes, we did know it was possible.  We know how all that stuff works.  😉 )

While we were pumped to be adding another child to our family and are even more pumped that it’s another crazy little guy, it was so hard for me to grow attached to this child.  The first trimester was horrible – I was more sick than I’ve been with my other two pregnancies and I was more scared than I thought possible.  I honestly felt that there was no way this baby was making it to week 12.  With everything else I had been going through that year, the joy of a child seemed impossible.  Growing attached would only make losing the baby harder.

Praise the Lord, Daniel is still growing and thriving.  We are at week 22 and I feel him dancing around every day.  His oldest brother loves talking about him and his middle brother just gets frustrated with the room he no longer has on my lap.  May will be here before we know it and so will our precious boy.

The best posts of the year

Best Posts of 2018

I struggled with blogging in 2018.  Between the death of my dad and pregnancy sickness, blogging wasn’t on the front of my radar.  I struggled with blogging when I wasn’t ready to dive into what happened with my dad and then I struggled with blogging again when I wasn’t ready to share about Baby K 3.0.  I’m so thankful, though, that this space is still here for me when I’m ready for it.

I had so much fun figuring out which of my posts were my audience favorites this past year.  I was surprised by some of them and thrilled that others made the cut.  It definitely helps me to know what content you all love!

My Word for 2019

Looking forward to 2019, I chose the word Learn to focus on.  While I am sure this word will take me where I least expect it, here are a few ways I’m hoping to use it.

  • I want to learn more about my boys – all four of my guys (Daniel included) are their own people and, since the kiddos are growing up, I want to learn all I can about who they are and how they need to be loved.  I want to learn more about my husband and what makes him tick.  Sure, we’ve known one another for almost a decade but I know there’s still so much to learn about him.
  • I want to learn more about my hobbies.  I often feel like I’m ok at a lot of things but not good at anything.  This year I want to truly learn things I enjoy doing.  Sewing, reading, and photography will surpass TV and mindless scrolling.
  • I want to learn more about me.  As I’m coming out of a fog, I need to learn who I am.  I’ve been someone for others for as long as I can remember and that has to change.  I can’t carry on the way I was and now I realize I don’t have to.
  • I want to learn more about God.  My relationship with God has been transformed in the past 10 years.  I’m hardly the Christian I was back then.  I want to dig into theology books, have conversations, spend time in my Bible and prayer, and grow closer to the King of the Universe.

Your Turn:
How was 2018 for you?
What’s your word for 2019?

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