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7 Marriage Tips for Couples with a Newborn

June 27, 2019

Having a newborn in your home is such a special but exhausting time.  You don’t have a moment to think about yourself, let alone your marriage!  I’m making it easy by sharing practical marriage tips for couples with a newborn.  These marriage tips for couples with kids are simple but powerful!

Couple sandwich kissing a newborn baby with text - 7 Marriage Tips for Couples with a Newborn

Another evening has come and gone.  Nate got home from work and, after giving me a quick kiss, Caleb commanded that he helped create a Lego village.  While Nate was on the floor with Caleb, Josiah seized the opportunity and began climbing all over his daddy.  Baby Daniel woke up as I was finishing dinner so Nate took over and I nursed the baby.  Dinner happened then baths, coloring, devotions and bedtime.  As he does every night, right around the time the big boys go down, Danny started fussing.  I nursed him, bounced him, and cuddled him until he finally decided he was ready for bed too.  By this time Nate had done the dishes and was out in his workshop painting cabinets for our kitchen remodel.  I got on my computer to try to squeeze in an hour or so of work.  Finally bedtime hit, we crawled into bed, and we realized we hadn’t truly connected all day.

Does this sound familiar to anyone else?  Life in general is busy and makes it hard for couples to connect but it’s even harder when there are kids – especially a newborn – in the picture.  You’re searching for any marriage tips for couples with a newborn that you can get your hands on!

I have a huge passion for healthy marriages and firmly believe that a marriage is an amazing, God given relationship that needs to be celebrated and cherished.  Different stages of life make marriage more or less complicated but the stage where I’ve found marriage (and, really, life in general) more difficult is the postpartum and newborn stage.

There’s a lack of sleep, a crying baby, possibly older kids who are learning the new normal, and we can’t forget hormones!  Oh… the hormones…  Nevertheless, this new season of parenting can draw you closer as a couple if you only put in as much effort as you can and follow some practical marriage tips.  I don’t have it all together by any means but I love sharing my marriage tips for couples with kids to do my part in helping out other marriages.

Marriage Tips for Couples with a Newborn

Make One Another Your Priority

When there is a new baby in the home it’s easy for couples to spend all their time and emotional energy caring for that little person.  The child is helpless and needs someone there for all the feeding, diaper changing, sleep assistance, and so much more.  I am in no way advocating for neglecting any of that with your newborn.  I’m not even advocating for setting your baby down for one second if that’s what you and your little person needs.  What I mean by making one another the priority is in the mindset of the couple.  Whatever is filling your mind is going to spill over into what your priority looks like.

Making one another a priority during this season probably doesn’t mean getting to spend much time with one another but it’s the little things that matter.  Do you see your husband overwhelmed at work?  Take five minutes out of your crazy busy day to write him a little note letting him know how much you appreciate him.  Do you see your wife struggling with how messy the kitchen has become without any time to clean it?  Get it clean without her asking!  Keep an eye out for what the other person needs and attempt to fill it the best way you can.

Let Each Other Sleep as Much as Possible

You don’t realize how important sleep is until you don’t have it anymore.  Newborn babies cause sleep loss and, even when your child is “sleeping through the night,” there’s a huge likelihood they’re waking you up during that time for some reason or another.  (Between our three boys we get woken up a minimum of four times a night…  seriously)

This is such a practical marriage tip because it will serve you well for your entire marriage – Figure out what works in your family to get the sleep you need.  Some of you may need to co-sleep with your kids in order for all of you to catch some Z’s.  We’re on the opposite end of the spectrum and kick our kids out of our room as soon as possible.  It’s what works for us.

When our oldest was a baby, he needed to get his diaper changed during the night in order to stay awake long enough to get a full feeding.  Nate got up with me to change his diaper so I could doze a little during our nighttime feeding.  Now that we have three kids and all of them need us during the night, we have agreed that I handle baby wakings and he handles big boy wakings.  That way we can ignore and sleep through the wakings we’re not responsible for and we’re not frustrated by who does or does not get up with the kids.

Figure out what works for you, your spouse, and your kids so everyone gets maximum sleep.  Your marriage will be much better for it!

Keep Open Lines of Communication

I’m a firm believer that mutual self sacrifice and good communication are the keys to a healthy marriage.  This is a key marriage tip for couples with kids of any age.  When you have a newborn in your life, it’s easy to forget the importance of communicating with your spouse.  Even when you’re busy, exhausted, and just done, it’s vital to keep communicating with your spouse.  Let one another know how you’re feeling and what you need.  Listen to what the other person has to say and dig in together, just like you would before a new little person joined your family.

Help One Another Out

This is a part of some of the other tips but it’s important enough that it needs to be its own tip as well.  Go out of your way to help one another out during this season.  You’re both exhausted and overwhelmed.  The new mama is healing from whatever birth experience she had.  Dad, step up and do more than you’d typically do in order to allow your wife to heal and bond with your baby.  Mom, give over the baby to your husband so he can bond too and do a few things you can’t do while holding the baby.  If both of you make it about what the other person needs, both of you will feel fulfilled.

Be Physical

Nope, I’m not talking about the kind of physical activity that got you into this situation in the first place.  😉  Your body’s not ready for that, mama.  It IS necessary to be physical, though.  Give hugs and kisses, hold hands, cuddle on the couch…  Whatever physical touch connects you and your husband – do it!  Soon enough you’ll be getting back down to business but your marriage will stay strong if you’re remaining physically connected in the meantime.

Don’t Forget that Things WILL Get Easier

When all else fails, don’t forget that life WILL get easier!  Your baby WILL sleep.  You WILL find your new normal.  Maybe the house will be a wreck for a few weeks (or a few months) but you WILL eventually have margin in your life to clean again.  Maybe you look like a hot mess but you WILL eventually have time to do your hair and makeup again.  Maybe you miss one on one time with your spouse but you WILL be able to leave your little one with a babysitter someday for a date night.  Everything is a season and this season will be gone LONG before you know it.  Soon enough you’ll be looking for marriage tips for couples with kids in high school!  (And now I’m crying thinking that my baby will someday be in high school.)

Bonus for Husbands: Remember (But DO NOT Point Out) the Hormonal Swings

Ok men, your wife has just given birth and hormones are rushing through her body.  These postpartum hormones are no joke.  In every conversation and situation do not forget that she is not herself yet.  Never bring this up, though, or you might get slapped!

That being said, even while hormonal, most of the things your wife is hormonal over all have truth to them.  For example, the other night I was talking to my husband about Caleb starting kindergarten in a year and how I don’t know if we should do public school or homeschool… and I’m not ready to have a real schedule in our lives… and how is my baby old enough to be a year from kindergarten… and ohmygoodness we only have fourteen more years with him in our home.  No, I shouldn’t have been crying over this and hormones were definitely wrecking havoc on my mind.  BUT the truth was that I was processing what would be best schooling option for our son for kindergarten and I’m a little stressed over it.  If Nate had just chalked it all up to hormones, he wouldn’t have been able to have the conversation about how we can go about making that decision together in the next year.

You need to be the levelheaded one and figure out where the truth is and where the hormones are making things a bigger deal than necessary and speak to the truth while giving grace to the hormones.  And I’ll say it again… NEVER TELL YOUR WIFE SHE IS BEING HORMONAL!!!!!!!!

Your Turn:
What marriage tips for couples with a newborn would you add to this list?
Do you have any practical marriage tips that you swear by – even without a newborn?

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