Blog post

When I Want My Old Life Back

September 3, 2019

Some days I find that I want my old life back.  I miss my pre baby life.  I could let the guilt over that feeling overwhelm me or I can do this…

Some days I find that I want my old life back.  I miss my pre baby life.  I could let the guilt over that feeling overwhelm me or I can do this...

I miss my pre baby life!

Some days as I’m wiping the 193rd poopy butt, breaking up the 392nd argument, and answering the “why” question for the 9382730th time I think back at how simple life used to be.  I think back to my college days where I had all the freedom in the world.  I reminisce about the early days of marriage when we got to drop everything and go out on a spontaneous date at 9pm if we felt like it.  I think back to my days working in an office of adults who could carry on a real conversation.

Some days I look back and I miss my pre baby life.

Of course, I quickly realize what I’m doing and guilt overwhelms me.  How could I wish away my boys?  I’ve dreamed of being a mom my whole life and now I am…  How can I dare think about how things could have been without them?  I have to make up for my horrible feelings by being a better mom and work my hardest to never have thoughts like that again.

Do you ever feel that way?  Do you look wistfully back at your life before kids and long for the way things used to be?

There’s a truth I want to speak into your life today – It’s ok to feel that way!

Yes ma’am.  I just gave you permission to embrace those feelings of wanting your old life back.  They are your feelings and they matter.  Yes, you are a mom, but you’re also an autonomous being who gets to feel the feelings that you’re feeling without guilt.

What I’m not giving you permission to do, though is to stay there.  You don’t get to live in discontent because that is not the way we were created to live and that’s not fair to our children or our families.  Take these steps to go from “I want my old life back” to “I love the life I have.”

Some days I find that I want my old life back.  I miss my pre baby life.  I could let the guilt over that feeling overwhelm me or I can do this...

How to Work Through the “I Want My Old Life Back” Feelings

Embrace Your Feelings

Although it can be rough, it’s important to dig into the feelings you’re feeling.  Don’t brush them aside or pretend they don’t exist.  This is a huge thing I’m learning in counseling these days.  I’ve spent too long only letting myself feel the “right” feelings and it’s not healthy or right.  Every feeling I have is valid (whether or not it’s healthy) and needs to be worked through and so are yours!  Embrace the feelings of wanting your old life and dig into it – not to stay at that place but to work through it.

Take Some Time for You

I know that my “I want my old life back” feelings tend to come when I have had zero seconds to myself.  I’m an introvert to the max and too much time with people is draining!  As a stay at home mama I have no time to myself and it shows.  I know working mamas are in the same boat.  They’re with coworkers or clients all day and then come home to their kids.  It can be a little much.  When you’re missing your pre baby life, make a plan to get some alone time.  Even an hour at a coffee shop does so much to reset life.

Figure Out What It Is You’re Missing

Typically the “I miss my pre baby life” feelings come because there is a specific area of life you’re missing.  Figure out what that is.  Are you missing the fact that you could drop everything and go out on a date?  Are you missing reading a book in peace?  Are you missing working with coworkers?  Are you missing not being touched?  Do some processing and get to the root cause of your current discontent.  It’s only when you know exactly what you’re feeling that you can really work on it.

Decide What Changes Need to Be Made

Once you have taken some time to yourself and know what the root of your feelings are MAKE SOME CHANGES!  Schedule the date night you need.  Interview for the job if you’re needing to go back to work.  Spend a weekend alone at a hotel.  Instigate a no touching for half an hour rule.  Your changes may be big or they may be small.  You’re the only one who knows what changes you need in your life but don’t wait to start down the path to getting things changed.  You won’t regret it since you’ll no longer feel like you want your old life back.  You’ll be much more content with the way things are now.

Some days I find that I want my old life back.  I miss my pre baby life.  I could let the guilt over that feeling overwhelm me or I can do this...

Your Turn:
Do you ever feel like you want your pre baby life back?
What’s one change you can make to feel more content with the way things are now?

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Some days I find that I want my old life back.  I miss my pre baby life.  I could let the guilt over that feeling overwhelm me or I can do this...

Some days I find that I want my old life back.  I miss my pre baby life.  I could let the guilt over that feeling overwhelm me or I can do this...
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